One Door Closes and Hopefully Some Windows will Open

October 9, 2014

This is my first blog post.  Who's gonna read it, probably just me, but I guess I'm doing it more for therapy than for anything else.  I'm an artist.  God, I feel so fake when I say it, but it's what I really am.  I mean I went to school for it and everything, but I haven't taken it really seriously until now.  Even then I'm not sure how seriously.  I think it's because I don't quite believe it.  I've always been doubtful of my abilities and myself as a whole.  This has affected my whole life.  I mean I'm turning 40 this year.  4 f'n 0!!!  It's crazy.  I don't feel it.  I mean, I still feel like a kid, even if I have 2 of my own, I still feel like one.  In a way I wish I was stilll that innocent and ignorant of everything, but it's not the case.

 

I officially quit my job yesterday and I'm going to try to do this art thing full timish.  I mean, how can one do art full time really.  You gotta be in the mood sometimes and be inspired most of the time.  And that's another reason why I haven't really taken art seriously, other than it really doesn't pay the bills, you gotta be inspired.  I'm not inspired.  Well I wasn't inspired before, but I think I am now.  I mean, I AM NOW!! Lol....I gotta own it, right?  Years of therapy and learning that I'm bipolar have taught me you just gotta either do it or fake it!  "You gotta fake it to make it.", says my therapist and my cousin.  I understand that.

 

Now I'm blogging.  My other cousin has told me to start this for years, but I just find it all a little weird.  Then she told me all the free stuff one can get if your blog is even a little bit popular.  I know it won't be, but I'm trying.  At least I'm trying.  I've always been scared of that word...try...I always think I'm gonna fail.  I don't know where I get it from.  My mom is a very strong woman who came to this country, Canada, on her own when she was young, to become a registered nurse, which she was for many years until she retired.  My dad on the other hand, is a very dependable man.  Not too ambitious or crazily motivated is he.  Maybe I get it alittle from him.  I don't know, I guess I'm just me and I have no one to blame this on but me.

 

Wait, did I mention that I'm an only child?  Can I blame it on that.  They say a lot of things about only children; we're spoiled, moody, we need things our way, etc.  Wait again, that is me, maybe not so much the spoiled part, or maybe yes.  Again, you deal with the cards that you're dealt and if you can't handle a full house then you'll be flushed.  Sorry for the poker puns.

 

Well, I guess I'll end my first entry here.  I'll be posting more art work as I do them.  I think I need to redo my webpage all together.  It's kinda boring.  So see you on the flip side and tomorrow is a new day.............and alll that psycho babble jazz.
 

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